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TWO SONGS, ZERO DOLLARS.

by Automatic Habit

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1.
So play it again. So I can remember how it felt to feel anything at all. Besides abandonment and guilt. All those counted days spent in a haze of me and you. Tell me, do you remember? Because I remember. So I sleep to escape; to dream in another way. In touch, in reach, but intangible all the same. No, don’t you walk right back in as if you think we could be friends. We both know what you need. Your reason for leaving me was him. So I’ve built a grave for three. This desert: you’ll lay next to me. Grow old, like you always promised. Decompose back into nothing. Sweetheart, pull that barrel closer. Stop your hands from shaking. So play it again. So I can remember how it felt to feel anything at all. Besides abandonment and guilt. All those counted days spent in a haze of me and you. Tell me, do you remember? Because I remember. I remember them all. My heart was never meant to break. My heart was never yours to take. Before I start to feel alone, before I choke this down my throat, just think back on what we were. You let it collapse for a burden, and a minute on your back. So play it again. So I can remember how it felt to feel anything at all. Besides abandonment and guilt. All those counted days spent in a haze of me and you. Tell me, do you remember? Because I remember. I remember them all. I’ve found comfort in nothing; strength in keeping numb. Though fragile and open, and pressed against your gun, My heart was never meant to break. My heart was never yours to take. So play it again. So I can remember how it felt to feel anything at all. Besides abandonment and guilt. All those counted days spent in a haze of me and you. Tell me, do you remember? Because I remember. So I sleep to escape; to dream in another way. In touch, in reach, but intangible all the same.
2.
I know you’ve been alone; hopeless for quite some time now. Just let me be the one—for once—if I could push these words out of my mouth. Say “I’m here,” and how I care, though I can’t speak. Four pointless years aside, let’s make the most of tonight. I never thought much of love. I never did well with trust. So keep in preparation to leave. Carry on without me. I’ll wait outside your balcony to see you weeping. And I imagine tasting those tears and wishing you goodnight. Don’t mind me, for now, as I stare. Looking through your branches quietly. Breathing softly as you sleep. I never thought much of love. I never did well with trust. So keep in preparation to leave. Carry on without me. And I wanna find something worth my time. I need to stop wondering why my body doesn’t want me to keep a promise I don’t believe. This is misery. I’m the breeze against your cheek. And I set your scenery. And I’m a wreck without you, but you never feel the same. But I still pray, I hope you know I’ll wait. To rest my head with you, upon that pillowcase. I never thought much of love. I never did well with trust. So keep in preparation to leave. Carry on without me. And I wanna find something worth my time. I need to stop wondering why my body doesn’t want me to keep a promise I don’t believe. This is misery. I know you’ve been alone; hopeless and lonely without me. There’s no need to run away from the fact that we’re meant to be. This is misery.

credits

released November 19, 2012

Recorded & Mixed by Bruce Wiegner at Overlook Studios.
Mastered by Bill Hendersen at Azimuth Mastering.

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Automatic Habit Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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